Jack Bauer.
1. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
2. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
3. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
5. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
6. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
7. When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other line.
8. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
9. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.10. Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
11. While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
12. Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
13. Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.
14. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
15. Season 5 of 24 was supposed to be Jack Bauer fighting Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel. This idea was abandoned when Jack defeated them and nothing else could be found to fill the other 23 hours and 59 minutes.
16. Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...
17. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
18. Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
19. God created the universe in 6 days. Thats 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God.
20. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
21. If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.
22. If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
23. Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
24. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
25. Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TIME!"
26. As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
27. Jack Bauer doesn't have a mother. As an impatient sperm, he shot out of his father and flew around looking for an egg to fertilize. He was unable to find an egg, and ended up running into a bullet, which he fertilized instead.
28. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a pussy.
29. Jack Bauer does not care for names. Every entry in his address book is simply labeled "Son of a Bitch."
30. Many people don't realize that "Bauer" is a name of Norwegian descent. It translates loosely to "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!"